LOVE
I learned how to love, unconditionally, from my mom.
So how do I learn how to love without her?
My mom died in the spring of 2023. Her death was sudden and unexpected. But me and my family were with her. I remember sitting at her bedside thinking, I want to say I love you out loud. I want to curl up next to you like I did when I was little. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t say “I love you.” And I love my mom so much.
This photography project began many months later, in the heaviness of what I hadn’t said. I pulled away from the people I love, my husband, my kids, my family, and my friends. I didn’t know how to be close anymore. I just wanted to stay in my bed and curl up into a ball.
But slowly, things started to shift. I noticed all the love that was still in my life. I could feel it again. So, I began to photograph love.
One morning, while doing a New York Times poetry challenge, I made a magnetic poem. I wasn’t trying to write about grief, but that’s what came out. My poem felt connected to everything I was saying through my photographs:
My poem doesn’t explain everything. Instead, it sits next to my photographs, a reminder of where my project began and what I’m still learning.
I don’t know what will happen next. But I know I’m paying attention. These photographs are what I’ve made while trying to stay open to love, to grief, and to whatever comes next.